Pat McNees, writer, editor,
personal historian

Question from reader: How does one become a personal historian? Or is that what you call yourself after studying the subject?

Pat's response: In a sense a "personal historian" is anyone who helps others record the stories of their lives, families, or organizations. It's a term the Association of Personal Historians adopted when Kitty Axelson-Berry first organized that group in 1995 (and APH is a good place to start checking out the possibilities). APH was formed as a trade association, to help people figure out how to do the job right and how to make a living helping others with their personal histories. It has a great annual conference in the fall (my favorite session being the evening Media Share, because like everyone else I love watching the various video biographies).

How is a personal historian different from the professional writers whom publishers and celebrities hire to write celebrities' memoirs? Basically there has been a democratization of the process. Now memoir writing and publication are available to all of us, even if we are not celebrities, and even if our main audience is our family and friends, and even if we won't have 100,000 readers or make the bestseller lists.

My brother, Steve, and I (and our cousins) are gathering the photos and stories of our parents' move from Kansas out West in the Dust bowl of the 1930s. In my view this will be a printed photohistory, but I know Steve has in mind more of a photo-montage video show, maybe in Powerpoint, maybe in video, kind of Ken-Burns style, like the PBS specials on the Civil War (but with different production values).

Traditional book publishing has tended to require a lot of savvy and a lot of money up front (and that's just to get the books published — marketing them is a whole other thing). Technologies have changed, making it easier to "self-publish" a printed book and even to mount a "personal history" on a website, or show it as a video or as a montage of photos with sound (music and voice recordings). Scrapbooking is a form of personal history, and many organizations and communities are recording their personal and group histories as oral histories (both recorded and in transcripts) or as professionally written histories (my specialty).

What this reader seems to be asking is, What do I need to know or be able to do to call myself a personal historian? And especially, can I earn money doing it? And there's no simple answer. Some people make a good living doing personal history projects; some are very busy, but have trouble making a LIVING doing it (because people are privately publishing most of these things, and their budgets are often tight, and their audiences small); and some struggle even to meet their costs.

You have to decide which kind of personal historian you want to be. Do you want to do oral histories? Personal stories told in the voice of the "narrator" (client)? Commissioned biographies written about the subject/client? Histories of communities or organizations? Slide shows with narration? Video tributes? Special products such as video tributes for an engagement or anniversary product? Animal tributes? And how fancy a production job do you need to do? Maybe your specialty will be quickly putting together the kind of booklet that is given out at a funeral or memorial service.

Here's the bottom line: When you can do a product that is good enough as a sample to entice someone else to hire you to do the same kind of product (or another one) for them, then maybe it's time to hang your "personal historian" shingle. In the meanwhile, you can get a lot of satisfaction out of just trying a project. Start with something as simple as a photo tribute (with well-written captions) to a person, a place, an animal, a period in your life, or a period in someone else's or an organization's history. Join a life-story writing group (these are absolutely wonderful, if you have a good leader). See what you like doing and do best, find out which skills you need to acquire or improve, and study the people who do the job well. I've provided many links that should help you get an idea where to start.

Seeking former Brownies (1948) from Halldale Elementary School in the Shoestring Strip, Los Angeles, and later Narbonne High School

Members of Mrs. Thayne's troop: Are you out there? Call home (e-mail Pat at pat at patmcnees dot com). We have two photos of the Brownie Troop that was led by Mrs. Kane and Mrs. Thayne and need help identifying a couple of people.

DNA TESTING FOR ANCESTRY

How can I find out what ethnic strains run in my family? We're midwestern white and our ancestors date back to the Revolutionary War, but I have heard that we may have both Indian and black ancestors. How can I find out and how much would it cost to know?

Pat's response: I'm curious myself. I am posting links here to a couple of articles that may answer some of our questions. Would other readers let me know what they have learned, or tell me of links to reliable information.

GETTING RID OF SHINY SPOTS ON WOOL GABARDINE

Question: Can you suggest a method for getting rid of shiny places on my favorite pair of 100% wool black gabardine pants?

Response: I asked the International Fabricare Institute for an answer to this question and got the following response from Mrs. Chris Allsbrooks, textile analyst there:

"I wish there were some magic item out there that could easily remove shine from wool gabardine pants. Depending on the source, extent, and location of the shine, it may be difficult to remove.

"However, we have had luck in the past using fine grade sandpaper and rubbing it lightly across the surface of the area. The sandpaper loosens up the residues on the fibers contributing to the shine. This process also brushes up the nap, which is usually flattened, causing the shine."

A reader adds: I've had some success in ironing/steaming the shiny spots through a cotton cloth dipped in household vinegar.

Question from a reader:
Must I dry-clean polyester suits?
For the results of the reader's own experiment, see her comments, posted at the end of "The Truth about Dry Cleaning."

DYING: A BOOK OF COMFORT

Query from a reader: I buy five or six copies of DYING: A Book of Comfort at a time, to give people when there is a death in the family. But the Warner (trade paperback) edition is out of print! How can I get copies?

Response from Pat:
Through Doubleday Direct I arranged for a special reprint of the beautiful small hardcover gift edition, issued by the Literary Guild, and now have copies available, at $17.95 each, with discounts for quantities. You can skip the two-paragraph sales pitch and click on the button below to buy a copy. (Amazon.com sells a print-on-demand paperback version for a few pennies more.)

Ray McGrath, a Catholic chaplain who along with other readers made me aware that the book was out of stock, wrote later to express his gratitude for the special printing, because he and his wife give copies to people who are grieving. "The response that we get is that your book is so easy just to page through and find various readings that are helpful. During grieving people don't want to sit down with a 200-page book and try to read it from page one to page 200. After awhile these same people have asked me where I got the book because they themselves want to give them as gifts."

Nanna Tanier, creative supervisor of the book clubs when DYING was first published, wrote: "I grew ever more surprised while reading Dying, A Book of Comfort. I was expecting depressing or clichéd material, but I found, instead, thoughtful, peaceful, even inspiring passages on this difficult subject. Pat McNees has helpfully organized specific topics in each chapter -- from the experience of dying to saying good-bye, to mourning a parent or child, to the journey through grief. There is even a sensitive chapter on mourning a suicide or sudden death. Additionally, there is a chapter of “Prayers in Many Voices,” where regardless of faith, you will find passages that truly speak to, and comfort you. Of the books I have designed, this is the one I am most proud of. I have given it to family and friends, all of whom have found comfort and peace in its pages." I am happy that the lovely edition for which Nanna was art director (Debbie Glasserman was designer) is now back in print.

I have created a special website to supplement the book, providing links to useful resources, brief readings, and practical advice:
http://www.comfortdying.com

HIRING A PERSONAL HISTORIAN TO HELP YOU WRITE YOUR MEMOIRS OR FAMILY HISTORY

Question from a reader:
I'm interested in hiring a personal biographer to capture stories from my parents who are both first generation Chinese immigrants to the US. They both were born in China then fled during the communist/nationalist revolution. I want to have our family story documented in a way that ties heavily with Chinese culture and history. Any advice about pursuing this and/or recommendations about who could do this for a reasonable cost?

Response from Pat:
If you were doing a personal history only, you might check out the Association of Personal Historians (APH) website--where you can find people to help you with audio, video, or print versions of a family history. (I believe one Chinese-American member in California does video histories.) Since you want a heavy element of Chinese culture and history, you might want someone with a history background — perhaps an oral historian, who could capture your parents' stories and weave in background about Chinese history and culture. (Besides audiotapes, you would have transcripts, which could be edited to form a narrative.) There are Oral History associations all around the country, and some members of APH are oral historians.

"Reasonable cost" is hard to define; once you want more than your parents' personal stories, the costs are sure to go up, either because you are hiring an expert to help, or because a non-expert will have to do research. What you might consider is tracking down a professional author who has written about Chinese (or Chinese-American) history and culture, or a historian with experience doing interviews, and finding out if they would be interested in helping. Such a project might interest them. Other organizations provide links to members' websites, which might turn up a possible co-author; see, for example, the Authors Guild and the American Society of Journalists & Authors (which also has an informal writer referral service). If you wish, give me contact information and I can post a query with APH or ASJA. (The Authors Guild has no listserv, but you can check out many members' websites. Links for all the organizations mentioned are listed below.)


Question from a reader:
What does a personal historian do????

Response from Pat:
A personal historian helps you record and shape your life story, as memoirs, autobiography, biography, or family (or organizational) history — and might also help you create an ethical will (a love letter to your survivors). I specialize in recording interviews and shaping them into written, printed documents or photohistories, but they can also be preserved on audiotape, videotape, CD, DVD, or a website. Indeed, a personal historian can help you create a photohistory or video for a major birthday, a death, an anniversary, or another important occasion. You can find members of the Association of Personal Historians (link below) all over the country as well as in Canada and some other countries.

My brother Steve and I are creating a photohistory of our family, which he wants to preserve on a CD, so everyone can share photos easily. He created a wonderful PowerPoint show, with sound effects, which he showed relatives the day of our mother's (Eleanor's) funeral. I wrote a mini-lifestory (see Eulogy for Eleanor), which I read at the graveside service. I want to create a printed version of our family photohistory, because I have faith in books lasting, and don't want the family photos on a digital format that can't be read 50 years from now.

P.S. Most personal historians do not do "genealogy" (family trees). There are associations of people who specialize in that field. Google "genealogy."

Best alternative term for "ethical will" may be "life letter"

When I teach Life Stories and Legacy Writing at the Writer's Center in Bethesda, MD, I invariably get puzzled looks and only slight interest when I first mention "ethical wills." These wonderful "letters for survivors" (which I call "legacy letters") aren't necessarily about ethics and are not legally enforceable as wills, in addition to which both words ("ethical" and "will") seem to put people off. Hearing examples of ethical wills makes people realize, "Oh yes, I should write one of these!" After you read about ethical wills from stories and examples linked to on this website, feel free to post your own nomination for a phrase describing these documents (telling me a way to reach you -- I will not publicly post your e-mail address!).

Ruta Sevo (www.momox.org), who wrote a wonderful ethical will herself, suggests "life letter," offering this explanation:

I think it is a personal communication, usually about a life issue or selected issues. it is not necessarily a story. it can be intended to be therapeutic (to resolve some "issue" while living) for the writer and the recipients, to be read while everyone is living or "from the grave." it implies "love" and implies "deeply personal" (in contrast with confessional blog entries, etc., meant to provoke the world) you could use "personal life letter" or "family life letter" but shorter is better. Also, the recipient may not be family. Another assumption: you are not writing more than one of these to the recipient. (Check out Ruta's website for more info about how to order her novel set in Lithuania.)

As it happens, personal historian Linda Blachman has been calling “life letters” for some time, because “they are more about life than death: gifts from the living to the living about living.” Linda has done a lot of work helping women with breast cancer who are also raising small children create life letters for their children. If they live, great -- they file them away. If they don't, the children have a wonderful gift to help alleviate the grief of losing their mother.

Tia Willoughby writes: Hello, I am intrigued by your website and the information therein...I was one of those who stumbled upon your site after typing in a Google search for "removing oil from dry-clean only". You wondered how so many hit your site for that article - I think it's a wonderful little surprise to find out about who you are and your life's work in the midst of a garment tragedy! . . . I've not heard of "ethical wills" until reading some of what is on your website, but a phrase came to mind… "Lasting Words" - a play off of "last words." I think little else sticks with us more than the words of loved ones, especially when they can be revisited as often as they can be read….I've been inspired by visiting your site. Thank you! I plan to return...

Pat responds:
Thank you. Someone told me that the site is "very stream of conscious," which no doubt is because I think of this as my personal website. So yes, there is a little bit of everything here, from death to dancing, from clinical research to finding a way to cut dry cleaning bills (a popular page). If you are trying to write a memoir, personal history, or family history, you should find plenty of inspiration and practical information.

Pat's current projects

Question from a reader:
What are you working on now?

Response from Pat:
In July I began doing interviews for a history of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, which has been fascinating because I am looking at that department through the prism of all the changes that took place in psychiatry in the twentieth century (and am delighted to find that psychiatrists are an articulate lot!). I continue to write stories about patients in research at the NIH Clinical Center, and have conducted several interviews for an eventual history of another valuable federal institution that, like the Clinical Center, is generally below the radar screens of most Americans (the United States Institute of Peace, a project on hold while they build an incredibly beautiful new building on the National Mall). I occasionally edit and rewrite papers for staff at the World Bank and elsewhere.

Like most independent writer-editors, I work on several projects at once and find the balance of work (researching, interviewing, writing, and editing) both practical and refreshing. I also teach a course on Legacy Writing and Life Stories at the Writer's Center in Bethesda. Keeping content updated on my three websites also gobbles up time.

SELLING YOUR DIAMONDS

Question from a reader:

My mother-in-law left my wife a 5 carat pear shape diamond. I haven't got a cert. The jeweler who sold (20 years ago) it said it was an H-I color, IS2. The quality of the cut/make on a pear isn't mentioned. I don't want to try and sell it to a dealer-price will be too low but don't know how I can best sell a diamond to a private buyer at a higher price. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Response from Pat: I am not at all an expert on this subject--having sold only one diamond, and to an antique jewelry store — but in that case (as my article explains) I did get a better price at that antique jewelry store than I did at stores that didn't advertise themselves that way. What I learned was that you can't expect to get a lot selling your old diamond ring, but you might get more if the ring's design is "in demand." (Mine wasn't. Hope yours is.)

Comment on "How to Buy Upholstered Furniture"

Thanks so much for this article. I am like a dog with a bone on this subject. I love good furniture/not trendy/fancy, just time tested. I am often misunderstood in this area. I am grateful to read this and it backs up my findings of over 30 years of trial and error. I have a 30 year old sofa that has lasted because I was lucky enough to find it when I was not experienced enough to know better. New fabric -looks brand new. Thanks again,
Becky Smith, Romance,Arkansas

Pat responds: I agree. I bought my green velvet sofas about the same time and they still look pretty darned good! Incidentally, I ordered them made through a furniture-maker in North Carolina (Wood-Armfield, which I am told has filed for bankruptcy), they cost half as much as those I saw in local furniture stores, and many, many years later they are still in good condition.

Shopping for Abba Zabbas and other nostalgia candy

Question from a reader: In a talk you gave recently, you mentioned Abba Zabba candy bars with enthusiasm. I can't find them.

Nostalgic favorites in candy are now available online:Abba Zabbas (peanut butter inside taffy) and Big Hunks (nougat with nuts), two favorites of many of us who grew up in Southern California, are made by a firm called Annabelle, sold mostly in California, although you can find them in nearby states. I found an entry for them on Wikipedia, which led me to the Abba Zabba page, which had links to companies that sell "old favorites" (including many nostalgic favorites that are hard to find in regular outlets). I suspect Annabelle also makes Look candy bars, also a Western tradition. I placed an order for a whole box of Abba Zabbas through www.favoritesof.com, but there were many many others. Great gift possibilities for friends with nostalgic cravings! Very bad idea for those of us with a weight problem and little or no will power.

What has happened to Buffalo Gap Dance Camp?

Response from Pat:
Jim Newburn, who kept Buffalo Gap going for ten years, sold the camp was sold to land developer Brad (BK) Haynes, who was introduced at the Almost Heaven dance camp held over Memorial Day weekend, 2006. At the camp's talent show, where my favorite performer was a little boy who sang "Amazing Grace" standing on his head, BK sang "My Cheating Heart" and another country-western tune and gave away demo CDs (he has property in Branson, Missouri).

From 1969 to 2006, the camp had a wonderful run. Who knows what the future holds? Many of the camps formerly held at Buffalo Gap at being held at Timber Ridge Camp, about 10 miles south of Buffalo Gap, in the summer of 2008.

Céilí history, corrected
An attentive reader, Michael Harrison, points out a problem in my story about Irish ceilis. He writes: "You state 'Then on the heels of Irish freedom came the Irish Dance Hall Act, which in 1931 allowed the Irish for the first time to dance in halls, a controversial idea at the time -- and one that changed the nature of ceilis. Ceili music became the Irish equivalent of the big band sound.'

"The way you've phrased it makes it sound as though the dance hall act was a good thing. In fact, it set Irish dancing back quite a lot. The dance hall act was in fact a way to keep people from dancing by requiring that they have a permit before doing so. Prior to that time you'd find people dancing in private homes and at crossroads but after, anyone caught doing so would be taken to court and assessed a fine." I've inserted the corrected and posted links both to Michael's website and wiki on Irish dancing and to further information on the act, for which he provided links. Thanks, Michael!

What to do in Washington, D.C.

Question from a reader:We have friends visiting Washington, D.C. soon. Where's a good place to check out special events, good restaurants, etc.?

Response from Pat: Washingtonian Magazine has pretty good online links to what's going on in Museums, etc., and so do the Washington Post and Washington City Paper. I'll place links to useful resources below. The problem with such pages of referrals is that they set editorial limits: There may be five wonderful Thai restaurants in Bethesda, for example, but they can list only one or two, to create balance. And although I always check the Weekend section of the Washington Post to find out where dances will be held, they have a policy of listing only dances for which there is live music, and Argentine tangos aren't usually danced to live music, so they're useless for that. (There's a link to information on where to go Argentine dancing under Dancing, A Guide to the Capital Area.)

Girls and women in science and engineering

Question from a reader:
You said that young girls studying engineering often take up masculine mannerisms/appearance (aka tomboy qualities) in order to survive. What do you mean by 'survive'? I have never come across any form of sexism or exclusion at my university, am I just one of the lucky ones?

Response from Pat:
I have no personal experience of engineering; my role in writing New Formulas for America's Workforce was simply to summarize reports from the field. Some researchers reported that many engineering departments are unfriendly to women, or that women feel isolated because there are so few women there. If you've had a good experience, it could mean you are lucky. I'd like to think it's a sign that things are changing. There were many different kinds of reports on women in engineering. If you don't have the book, you can download it, free, from the website of the National Science Foundation. I did the writing on New Formulas 1, under the superb guidance of Ruta Sevo (under a contract with Low & Associates). NSF has now published NSF 2, a briefer volume, covering projects from 1993 through 2005. Click on following links to read or download free PDF files of either volume.